I’ve lived so many years beneath the shadows of midnight that I’ve become a specter of a man. I was in love once. Maybe I still am. My heart bled for her but she just bled away one day. And I was left alone, haunted by memory. If time were a guillotine, I would have long been decapitated. I have my soul, but for what it’s worth, I can’t buy matchsticks to start the fire in my gut. My inspiration was devoured one day by a ghost. I begged for it back but the banshees bartered for it. I was on the losing end of a balance of dead charcoal. No bonfire would ignite my divine consciousness. Now my mind is a quagmire of fear and destitution. If there is a solution, I haven’t yet found it. My spirit is starved.
I’m thirsty for you, darling. Return. We are strangers lost in an ocean of darkness that I cannot drink for the salt. Parched, I crawl into the killing horizon. Maybe I’ll find God there. He’s not here with me. Not even the evil cares to entertain my presence. Do you know what its like without you? A realm of nothing canvassed in a matrix of black plasma thicker than tar.
The seeds of determination are caught between my moth-eaten socks and my toes. It’s so damn uncomfortable that I want to fling my shoes against the wall and scream. Everything that I was is everything that I am not. I’m not Buddha, I’m not Jesus or Ghandi. I lost that power in the waning tides of love and life. Stripped of my titles, my pride and my muse, I became just this lonely man. Where is my spine, my smoking gun? My military dedication to you absolved? Never. Whatever. I won’t think past yesterday until my spirit becomes shackled to the pillars of future events. What these are, I do not know. Darling, did you know that only my burnt creativity keeps me from silence? I leaked yellow humor and bile as I trotted down that green mile of separation. Remember that? We became detached but I want you back. Our divorce was not supposed to happen but it did. Do you pity me? Self-deprecation, may you rust in pieces. I still love you. Amongst my infirmary of uncertainty, I just wanted you to know that.
I’m thirsty for you, darling. Return. We are strangers lost in an ocean of darkness that I cannot drink for the salt. Parched, I crawl into the killing horizon. Maybe I’ll find God there. He’s not here with me. Not even the evil cares to entertain my presence. Do you know what its like without you? A realm of nothing canvassed in a matrix of black plasma thicker than tar.
The seeds of determination are caught between my moth-eaten socks and my toes. It’s so damn uncomfortable that I want to fling my shoes against the wall and scream. Everything that I was is everything that I am not. I’m not Buddha, I’m not Jesus or Ghandi. I lost that power in the waning tides of love and life. Stripped of my titles, my pride and my muse, I became just this lonely man. Where is my spine, my smoking gun? My military dedication to you absolved? Never. Whatever. I won’t think past yesterday until my spirit becomes shackled to the pillars of future events. What these are, I do not know. Darling, did you know that only my burnt creativity keeps me from silence? I leaked yellow humor and bile as I trotted down that green mile of separation. Remember that? We became detached but I want you back. Our divorce was not supposed to happen but it did. Do you pity me? Self-deprecation, may you rust in pieces. I still love you. Amongst my infirmary of uncertainty, I just wanted you to know that.
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